A smile cannot veil what eyes can tell…
Category Archives: Writings
The tall tower
At the center of an open barren land stood a tall tower. All around were tall grasses. At a distance you could see trees. I could not be sure of what they bore. For as far as I could see it was all trees! A small path led through this grassland to the tower. I have no idea of how I had reached there. This place was beautiful with greens that I had never seen before. But this tower looked odd. I thought it was from nowhere and for no one!
Something pulled me towards the tower. There was nothing else as strikingly different in the green background. A tower at the center of a green patch.
It was getting dark and cold. There was nothing around. That thought came to my mind again! How did I reach here? Who brought me here? I knew it would get dark soon. Not even the moon light seemed very bright! I rushed to the tower. I had no idea of what lay inside!
I stood at the bottom of the tower. It seemed so huge. Around 10 meters in height I guessed. I entered the small passage from behind the tower. There was nothing but a flight of stairs. The walls were hardly visible. I went straight towards the top, albeit cautiously, but in a strange world like this what right could have happened in any case. I entered a room at the top. Nothing else below it. Just the flight of stairs. I was very surprised.
It was small cozy room. There was a beautiful lady. I looked at her. She smiled. She asked me to sit. I had no choice. I was wondering what she was doing there alone in this forest! I felt safe seeing some human. I was surprised that she was so patient with a stranger. I wanted to thank her but somehow I could say nothing. I simply obliged. She had cooked some soup there. She passed a saucer full of it. I was hungry and I obliged immediately. She smiled again. Her smile had something hidden in it. I did not know what but something was hidden.
She asked me to take the bed and said that she would return in an hour. I dont know what scared me but something did, the moment she left the room! I lay there for a bit. I don’t know for how long. I started feeling anxious. I stood up to the window and looked outside. My heart shook. Beyond the trees was nothing but water. Water on all sides. It looked beautiful. I kept seeing the view for a few moments. I had forgotten the girl it seemed. I kept looking at the green island in the crystal clear blue background. By the time I could realize much, the forest was gone! It was the sea and the grassland at the center of it! I guess I did not realize it then, probably later. I was too lost in the beauty of the whole scene. I realized that water had come into the grassland. I could see the water covering parts of the grassland! I was shocked. I thought of the girl! Where had she gone! I had no idea. Did she live here daily? As time passed, water kept covering the sand! In moments the grassland was fully immersed! I knew why this tower stood! Water kept rising. I could feel it rise. I guess a couple of hours would have passed. I was looking at the sea with the half lit moon.
Water kept rising! I did not know how much it would rise further. It looked beautiful. I was there at the center of the ocean and nothing else! Water kept rising. It came to the height of around 1 meter below the window. I got scared for the first time! I thought of the girl. I had no idea where she was! Water kept rising. It started seeping in from the gate! I was shaking a bit by then. I sat on the bed. Water kept rising. It rose to the bed height. It touched my feet on the bed. The room was not very high! It was the ceiling of the tower. Water kept flowing. I had to stand up on the bed. I could barely stand fully. The roof was too low! Water kept rising till it touched my knees. My pants totally soaked wet! I was shivering in fear. There was no outlet.
The window was too small to exit! I had no ideas. I was shivering and hoping. Water rose to my chest height. It never stopped. My sentences may have a punctuation here, but it seemed that water did not! Water rose till my neck. I could hardly keep still in water. I was being pushed up to the wall. Water kept rising up. I had nowhere to move. I was squeezed to nothing! I was breathing! I almost toppled inside. My head dived downwards. I closed my eyes and stopped my breath. I could feel the water for around three seconds. I turned back pushing the bed. I stayed afloat! But water kept rising. After that i remember is the struggle. Don’t remember anything at all!
I woke up the next day. I dont know if i woke up ever. All i remember is the face of the girl i saw there. Did she enchant me? How can i still sense if the water had drowned me? I am alive. Am I?
Infinity Towers
I looked from the window of my flat on the 13th floor of the Infinity Towers. There were so many people. Everyone looked the same. I could hardly see the faces. A random wave of hand. It could be a good bye, it could be a nice hello and it could be a show of emotions! But it hardly mattered from that height. I thought the world was so big. There could hardly be any emotions. There was too much happening for anyone to notice. Who had the time anyways. I thought how this world was beautiful because of this. You hardly care about what is going around you. Then I thought how ants went in a group through the small crevice in the garage of our building! Did they have emotions! They were there going on mechanically collecting food, like we humans collect money. Ants for the bad days, we humans for our old age! Ants had no old age to worry about!
In the next building in my campus lived this girl. I used to see her from my balcony and we passed that smile after the first few times we did see each other. I thought she would be a nice girl. Each day she would also come out of her balcony and look at the ground and the people. Invariably we would come at the same time. Probably there was secret agreement that we had made. She would sit there, look around, then look towards me and smile. I did the same. We hardly let anyone notice!
One day, I thought that we had to meet. I pointed towards the garden and she knew immediately what I meant. I hurried to the room, looked into the mirror, did some dressing of the hairs. Damn they looked so bad! Damn I looked so bad! I changed into my latest shirt and jeans and rushed towards the lift and there I was near the garden. I looked at her. She looked real pretty. May be cute. I waved my hand at her. She waved back. I was hardly smiling! It was the first time we would talk. I could see the uncle in the floor below mine looking at us. I loved him look at me with her. I said me Ishant in the most weird way one could! She replied “Diya”. We spent sometime together before we decided we had to run back home. It was a nice first meet! We said good bye and we waved back to each other.
The next few days were the same. We would come out in the balcony and point to the garden and we would be there! We talked about everything. About our parents, siblings, about the world, about philosophy, about money, about studies, about sillythings like the colour of the sky and the dead too! I enjoyed those 2 hours thoroughly. For the first few days I waited for this hour to come. It had become a passion. She started looking prettier each day. From a girl next door to the most beautiful one I had ever known! Each day would end with a good bye wave from each of us. We would wait for the next day.
One day she asked me about girls I fell in love with and I asked her about her guys! This very thing was a confirmation that we loved each other already. We had to confess. We needed some excuse. I asked her if she liked some guy and she said yes. I knew who he was. I did not have the courage to ask. We still ended that day with the parting wave of our hands. There was a different spring in me. I moved around like I had a new fresh air of joy in me. It was refreshing. I came back and hardly looked anywhere but the mirror. I looked so good suddenly.
Days passed like that. We would meet. We used to sit together. The the jokes, the stupid jokes, pulling of hairs, poking fun at each other, bitching about friends, making fun of common acquaintances, doing nothing and dreaming of everything. We walked around the building complex came back to our garden. Then one day she said that her parents had to move out to a new city! Was it the last time we were meeting! I had no words! Probably I had fallen in love or may be a very strong bond of friendship. I did not know the reason. Or may be I was only trying to think of something else as an excuse for not accepting that i quitely loved her! I couldn’t look into her eyes. I did not know what to say. I wanted to blame her for everything! But then what was there to blame her for? I thought this could be our last meeting. I was sure it was. We hardly talked that day. We sat close to each other for one last time. We had so little to talk. It hardly mattered what I did today! It hardly mattered what I was going to do tomorrow or what her friends were planning for her next birthday! We were suddenly strangers! Or were we so close to each other that we hardly had anything to say about the future? The night dawned quietly that day. We looked into each other’s eyes. There were too many emotions but our eyes displayed only a few. We waved our hands one last time.
A week later I was there on the balcony sitting the way I used to. So many ants down there. What was to the emotions of an Individual. I shook my head suddenly! What was to the emotions? Was it me who thought that this was the beauty of this world that individual emotions hardly mattered in this world? I looked down again, this time more closely. Down there in the gardens, there was this girl and this guy sitting together quietly. Were they just a few of the ants? Was I an ant?
The lone flower
Sitting by the ghat like i always did, at a distance I saw a bed of flowers. Somehow I hadnt noticed it before. I thought that they must have been seasonal. Even a lazy person like me got attracted to the flower bed. I moved towards it, almost involuntarily. It must have been around 20 meters from the flower bed, that i stopped! I thought that I did not fit in the scheme of things! The whole scene was mesmerizing. The morning dew created a spark in the flowers. As I watched senselessly, this yellow flower caught my eyes. It was so different. All other flowers were either blue or red. But this one was outstanding among the already beautiful ones.From a distance I saw the flower. I wanted to get a closer view. I moved towards the flower now. At around 5 meters, something stopped me again. I thought it was there, so tender so gentle. how could I change that! I stopped there looking at the flower. For 5 minutes all i did was saw the petals and the center of the flower from where the petals emerged, wondering how the petals meshed with each other beautifully augmenting each other’s beauty. How the dew drop just held there at the edge of the petal and the flower shone with the dew drop. I felt that the flower had given the dew drop a meaning. The dew drop would have been so worthless without the flower! I thought of myself.
I looked around the flower. It was so dull. Except for the colours of the flowers which made the whole bed look brilliant from a distance, I could see nothing much to appreciate. The bush on which it grew was thorny, the soil was muddy and even weedy. The other flowers were pale and dull. All I could think was how this flower was a misfit in the surroundings. Something told me to pick the flower and take it home. I stood there for a moment. I went ahead to pluck it from the bush. The next moment, I stood there in a strange disbelief! Something stopped me. May be the brilliance of the flower itself. I went back and sat on the ghats.
That night, there was a lot of rain. It was the monsoon and I loved the rain. I Loved the ghats and the water in the river. It gushed with more energy and the air would have more mist and chill. I slept well that night. The next morning I went to the ghat. The first thing I did was go to the flower bed. As I went closer, my heart shook with fear. The flower was no longer there! The downpour of the last night had taken the flower off the bush. I stood there wondering why I had not picked the flower the previous day. I stood there wondering. The temple bells rang. The two children still fetched water from the well. The water in the river kept flowing faster. The chill of the air hit me differently. I stood there like a stone. Unmoved.
The White Scar
First the palm, he loved it there. It was such a sensation. Deep inside, he feared it would end him someday. The touch would be gone and so would the sensation. It would be numb. But he let it grow. The whole hand felt the same. Wasnt it good? White, his hand seemed strange. He loved the sensation. It was a disease, he knew. But then he was enjoying it. That day, while taking bath, he realised that it was there to stay. Scared he jumped around trying to get rid of it completely. Most of it was gone. Just a bit remained on the palms. He was happy. He enjoyed the sensation. He could not get rid of it completely but was happy that he subdued it completely. Just that a thin layer of the skin went with it together.A skin disease. Was it?
A few days, the white marks grew again. He wanted that sensation back again! He let it grow a bit. Again one day he was at it. trying to remove it completely. Some of the skin went with it. Again what remained was in the palm. He just had to close his fist to get rid of it completely. He thought of that sensation again. Didnt he love it? He couldnt kill the sensation. Something did not let him.
Days passed, the scar grew again. He did not know what to call it. It was a skin disease he thought. A beautiful one. This time, he was caught up in a lot of weird stuff. The scar reached his neck! He realized but knew he could get rid of it as he did the last couple of times. It was just that he had to do it once. A few days later, he decided to remove it. This time, it was more difficult but then he managed. Managed to remove it completely. Even from his palm. He could not react. He looked at his palm, touched it and felt that it was gone! He was happy that it was gone, but that sensation had too!
A couple of days later, he saw the white scar on his forehead! He looked at the mirror again. The scar now grew from inside his head! He shook in fear. There was no way the scar could now go! It was a part of him. He could only hide it by removing it each day from him forehead. But the scar was deep inside him. To end it completely was no longer as easy as closing his fist! He had to get rid of himself this time! It was a part of him.
He did not care. He loved the sensation. He would not kill either his self or his own self! He could not. He closed his eyes and let all senses enjoy the sensation.
The Line Maker with no name
A child
A small kid of five, he frivolously kept making linings on the sand. He made those lines, stood up, went around, saw the lines, giggled cutely, jumped in joy at times and then waited for the sea wave to erase whatever he had done so far. He would never go towards the sea, just stand there at the shore keep scratching the surface of the shore. A few meters away, on the sand, lay his mother looking at him from a distance. She could die seeing him giggle like that forever. These were the best moments of her life. She could feel him so close to her heart. As if her heart pounced with each of his jumps, it pumped blood each time he giggled. It stopped each time he drew the line on the sand as if he was making those lines on her body and she giggled instead. His laughter sounded like the whisper of the breeze in his ears. The wave sounded like the beats of his heart and each would sound like music to her ears. Each time the sea wave came close to wipe the lines drawn over the sand, she anticipated a new beginning. She waited for the same cycle of joy all over again. She had all her senses mesmerized.
Still a Child
A couple of years later, he would still keep making those lines. A few boys of around his age would play football at a distance. The ball would take a leap and he would look at them and wave his hands acknowledging them. He would turn around and see them laugh all soaked in sand and water. They would occasionally come to him after the match and they would chat. As they left him, he would sit back making those meaningless lines on the shore again. The wave would come and blur those lines as they did for years now. He did not care.
As days passed, he would see these guys starting to mock at him, first it was a crooked smile. Then it turned to comments that they would make. Slowly it started to be loud laughing voices mocking at the lines he drew. They would often come to the place dance over his sketches and then rush back to playing football. He would step aside and let them dance and let them hate him and then when they went back he would get back to drawing lines again!
The mockery increased, he suddenly retreated. He was no longer to be seen. Even though the guys playing football hated him to the core, they began to miss him around them. His drawing those lines on the sand was a part of the picture now and a major part! He was there no matter how hot it was, how cold it was or how much it rained. Suddenly one day he wasn’t there. The village was small and every corner was known to everyone. His mother had died a couple of months back. He had always been a quiet guy. Just a gentle smile when someone came close to him. As friends, he knew these few guys playing football. He would never forget to bow his head and give a gentle smile when he passed by any familiar face, just to acknowledge their presence. His evenings were spent at a tea shop. The shop owner would pay him 20 bucks for a day and give him an afternoon meal and the dinner. That is how most of the villagers knew him.
The Anticipation
The coming week, there would be a huge mela, an annual celebration, where people from close by villages would come together and have a lot of fun. It was as cherished as a religious festival. The kids waited for it even more. It was the celebration of the harvest each year.
This time, they all heard of a sculptor who could make statues that looked exactly like a person. They were all waiting for him. People would have to travel 4 miles on foot to the mela. Some rich ones would use the horse carts or the ox carts that they had. But for most it would only be foot.
The Mela
At the mela, there were lights everywhere. It was fun filled. It was frolic. There was a charm in the air. There was a scent of flowers, there was music and there were chirps, chirps not of birds but of men, men and children. It was here that one realized that humans also chirped and it was not just birds that knew the art. There were thugs and there were saints. The women dressed up beautifully, so were men. Only Itra would differentiate the rich and the poor. Young girls dressed cutely looking at guys from the nearby villages and then laughing loudly when they saw some guy look at them.
As one entered the mela, one could see the tents. Each tent trying to be the center of the mela. The magician had 3 shows every evening, limited seats, 50 each show costing 10 bucks each. Then there was this tent with a baboon that could do tricks like humans did. People in the village had rarely seen a monkey. A baboon was a fascination. One ticket cost 2 rupees. Then there was this dance troop from somewhere in Arabia. It was ballet and was a rage among young and old men. They loved to see the ballet dancer. It was a place not for most women and children. Each ticket cost Rs. 10. Show for 45 men at a time! Then there was this game arena. The children and kids loved it. You had to throw rings over the dolls and the games. Each one who did, won the prize. Rs 2 for each try. There was the famous Bombay chat and the Delhi chat, both trying to beat each other. Both Rs. 2 for each plate.
The Art
At one corner, stood a lean guy with a small stick. No one would even notice him there. He kept working on sand. He made lines in the ground. He was looking at no one. There was no price to look at him. There was no fun either. He kept making lines. The only difference was that there were no waves here. All that he drew remained there. He did not call anyone to pay attention. He kept making lines and groves for an hour. A few kids that went that side in excitement saw some marks in the sand and left the scene seeing nothing great or fun. As everyone else engaged in the frolic at mela, he kept carving shapes on the ground. He hardly noticed the other tents and people around him. To him making the curve here was the same as making them on the sea shore.
An hour passed and the mela was at its peak. Suddenly people started circling the work on the sand. They were all bewildered to see the work. No one had ever realized how he had become an exponent at carving those lines and how his lines were so perfect. He could not just draw lines on the sand he could make figures with depth. The shapes now had not just the borders but also a curvature. He made them look so real. The figures would stand out as if shapes covered with thin sand. You could see bubbles of water in his work. Even the sound of the waves seemed complete given that the mela was just around 300 meters from the sea.
He kept working on his artwork for another hour. He hardly noticed the people around him. Once he was done, he receded into the darkness of the night, not to be seen anymore. He did not care what the world thought of his art. He knew what he could do and how much he had to improve before he could call himself a genius. Probably he never could. He never would. A life time he thought would never be enough to get to the depth of an ocean and understand it. He was at the shore of the ocean drawing curves. That is all that he had learnt in the last 10 years! All he knew was that he loved it and that is all that he cared.
Back to the village
The villagers talked about how the young village boy stole the show and left the famous artists completely pale. The next evening he was there at the tea shop as usual. The shop owner was happy to see him. People who had noticed him there began to appreciate his work. He looked at them, smiled, said “thank you” and quietly kept serving tea to the other customers. He knew this was his source of living. He could not sell his art. It was not for money. It was his love. He could not sell it. He would not either.
Helpless
At the bottom of the waterfall.. i enjoyed the rain and the forest, wondering where the water came from and where it went from there… There was happiness in every drop that fell on my forehead. Every green leaf would spark its colours on me. Every splash would sound like music so pure.
Suddenly i realized, I did not know how to climb up to reach the source nor swim deep inside to find out how deep inside the earth the water went! All I could do was to see the water pour around me, soak me, and disappear. I wanted to force it to stay like that forever.
I stayed stranded hopelessly knowing that it would all pass and I would have to leave the forest like that. The waterfall all gone and the senses deprived of the magic. Forever.
The lies on Truth
They told you not to lie,
but truth they never told
Lies are so smooth and nice
Truth such a vice.
Never knew truth hurts so bad
Lies keep you so glad.
Truth they say cant be hid
Lies can be said to every kid
Voids that Truth creates
Lies can fill them all?
Remorse
Today I come to thee with a repent body,
a beating heart and a flow of blood unusual.
Words I have none, and silence as you know
hurts more than a thousand bad words
I stand for penance, feel like totally naked.
Eyes not able to look into yours.
I know not the punishment but the pain is so severe deep inside
that it seems nothing worse can happen!
All night did nothing but buried my head into the pillow,
as if hiding it even from the darkness around.
Here i stand now ready to be dissected into pieces.
The body and the soul, both ripped apart!
(4.14 out of 5)